Mar 5, 2018
We've made 150 episodes of this now, which is more than you've done isn't it? So why not celebrate with us by watching the best movie about Karate Kids, the third Karate Kid movie, Karate Kid III.
Mar 12, 2018
Lovely Wibbly-Wobbly Derek Griffiths teaches us all about, I don't know, miming? Anyway, he's bloody brilliant and we'll fight anyone who says different. Apart from Derek Griffiths. We'd never fight him.
Episode 152 - Crystal Tipps and Alastair
Mar 19, 2018
What the hell is this all about? Crystal Meth and LSD more like. In this episode, we pay for having a really long podcast two weeks ago by having to watch something short.
Mar 26, 2018
Wasn't Captain Pugwash full of saucy innuendo? Sorry, I got those words in the wrong order - Captain Pugwash wasn't full of saucy innuendo.
Apr 2, 2018
"Look and Read,
Read and Look,
Eyes eyes eyes,
Books books books."
The boys watch Look and Read,and learn how to build words.Badly.
Apr 9, 2018
What are we watching this week?
Has Spielberg made it?
Have actors played it?
In theatres too?
Give Us A Clue!
Does TV show it?
Do bookworms know it?
One word or two?
Give Us A Clue!
Give Us A Clue!
Give Us A Clue!
Seriously, give us a frigging clue!
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Apr 16, 2018
Happy Families is a traditional card game, usually with a specially made set of picture cards, featuring illustrations of fictional families of four, most often based on occupation types. The object of the game is to collect complete families. The player whose turn it is asks another player for a specific card from the same family as a card that the player already has. If the asked player has the card, he gives it to the requester and the requester can then ask any player for another card. If the asked player does not have the card, it becomes his turn and he asks another player for a specific card. Play continues in this way until no families are separated among different players. The player with the most cards wins. One of the rules states that a player cannot ask for a certain card to deceive any player if he does not have a card in the set he is asking for. The game can be adapted for use with an ordinary set of playing cards (see Go Fish).
This isn't that.
Episode 157 - Keith and Orville's Quack Chat Show
Apr 23, 2018
"I 'ate that duck!" We all 'ate that duck.
Remember when Keith Harris and Orville had a chat show? Neither did we. But here we are anyway.
Apr 30, 2018
STOP! Hammertime!
No really, please, stop. Stop this Hammertime right now. Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em.
Episode 159 - New Kids On The Block
May 7, 2018
Have we got The Right Stuff to watch this cartoon Tonight? Only if we take it Step By Step. We'll be Hangin' Tough until 2 In The Morning, so Please Don't Go Girl. Call It What You Want, but If You Go Away you won't Be My Girl. Definitely not My Favorite Girl. More like a Dirty Dawg. So Let's Try It Again, You Got It?
Cover Girl.
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Episode 160 - The Price Is Right
May 14, 2018
"Come on doooowwwn!"
Do you enjoy looking at things and guessing how much they would have cost in the 1980s? Then this is the episode for you!
Unless you said "no."
Which you probably did.
May 21, 2018
"First name Mister, second name Period, Last name T!"
When Mr T wasn't hanging around with the A Team, he was solving mysteries with a group of enthusiastic young gymnasts and a dog with a mohawk. Because of course he was.
I bet none of them ever spiked his milk either.
Episode 162 - Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling
May 28, 2018
It's part two of our "people-who-fought-Rocky-then-got-their-own-cartoon-ology." (It's a very specific series).
This time we're watching Hulk Hogan's Rock N Wrestling, which surprisingly isn't the worst or most racist thing the Hulkster ever committed to video.
Jun 4, 2018
Are the boys going to go back in time and rent some videos from defunct rental store Blockbuster?
Are they going to listen to the glam rock classic "Blockbuster" by the Sweet?
Are they going to learn about the DC comics character Blockbuster?
Are they going to learn about the Marvel comics character Blockbuster?
Are they going to perform flying neckbreakers on each other, a move also known as a Blockbuster?
Are they going to take part in the Anglo-Canadian military operation in the Netherlands during World War 2 known as Operation Blockbuster?
No, they're going to hand jive, make piss jokes and Martyn is going to shout a lot. Sorry.
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Episode 164 - The Krypton Factor
Jun 11, 2018
This week, Mark and Martyn watch four people who are superior to them in every conceivable way, and make fun of them in various cruel and undeserved ways. Can you run an obstacle course Martyn? No, you can't. You'd get a note from your Mum to get you out of doing it. Can you land a plane Mark? No? Well never mind because they don't do that game in this episode.
Jun 18, 2018
We've got World Cup fever, in that football makes both Mark and Martyn feel physically unwell. So to celebrate England probably not being out of the World Cup quite yet, I don't know, I haven't checked,
why not sit down with us to watch the adventures of an animated football team as they football about all over the place and score goals and stuff.
"Offside." That's another football thing.
Episode 166 - We Are The Champions
Jun 25, 2018
Ron Pickering ("who?") hosts the boring primary school sports day that was We Are The Champions.
Are England out of the World Cup yet? Can we stop doing sport-related things now?
Ugh.
Jul 2, 2018
How big is a Womble? What is a Womble? Why is "Womble" a noun and a verb? What does wombling entail? Have I ever wombled? Am I wombling right now?
Jul 9, 2018
*whistle whistle whistle whistle*
*blubble-lubble-lubble*
impenetrable nonsense from knitted space wombles who live on the moon.
Episode 169 - Around the World with Willy Fog
Jul 16, 2018
If you think you enjoyed Willy Fog as a kid, you are either;
a) deluded
b) lying
c) now working as a geography teacher
Jul 23, 2018
More quiz fun as we watch Henry Kelly have a slow motion breakdown, constantly asking the contestants "who am I?"
Especially mean-spirited, considering a lot of the contestants don't speak English as their first language.
Episode 171 - The Groovy Goolies
Jul 30, 2018
Yes, I've spelt it correctly. Boring cartoon monsters sing and tell jokes in the worst thing we've ever watched. Stop Googling to see if I've spelt it correctly, that is how you spell Goolies in this instance. I know it feels like it should be "Ghoulies," but I've already checked, and we both sat through it so I know it's right.
You're checking aren't you?
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Aug 6, 2018
King Rollo was a cartoon about a child-like ruler who probably shouldn't have been in charge of his own shoelaces never mind an entire country. Insert your own Trump joke here. I can't be bothered.
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Episode 173 - NOW... that's what I call the 80s-est 80s music videos 1
Aug 13, 2018
Something different this week, as Mark picks some well-known 80s music videos instead of a tv show, and we talk all over them. Some would say it's even more pointless than usual, but those people weren't in the room when we decided to do this, so we did it.
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Episode 174 - NOW... that's what I call the 80s-est 80s music videos 2
Aug 20, 2018
This week is the same as last week, except this time Martyn chose the music videos. It's quite a simple premise, what are you not understanding?
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Episode 175 - Every Second Counts
Aug 27, 2018
Paul Daniels hosts the time-earning gameshow that plasters false smiles over failing relationships and makes light-entertainment out of domestic abuse. If you like our gameshow episodes, you'll like this... NOT A LOT!
That's a thing Paul Daniels used to say.
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Episode 176 - Play Your Cards Right
Sept 3, 2018
"I'm the joker in the pack, which makes me such a lucky jack, and here they are, they're so appealing, okay dollies, do your dealing."
Only cards though, not drugs.
It's Bruce's Play Your Cards Right, another Bruce Forsyth gameshow that required his name at the beginning and women wearing very few clothes. For a reason. Not that Mark and Martyn are paying attention to that, as they're busy practicing their excellent Brucie impressions.
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Episode 177 - Spot the Dog
Sept 10, 2018
Where is Spot? Is he under that cardboard flap? Yes he is. Of course he is.
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Episode 178 - Drak Pack
Sept 17, 2018
This is what we thought the Groovy Goolies was. Thankfully Drak Pack is much better than the Groovy Goolies. Although to be fair, so is a sharp stick in the eye.
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Episode 179 - You Bet
Sept 24, 2018
"Do you wanna bet on it? You Bet! Well you'd better get on it! You Bet! So don't fret, get set, are you ready? You Bet!"
B-List celebrities sponsor members of the public and place bets on whether they can do outlandish things, like remembering different types of windmills, or fishing in really specific spots on lakes. But if they weren't betting on these things, they'd probably be gambling on the outcomes of bare-knuckle monkey boxing bouts in underground criminal hideouts. Bruce Forsyth did everyone a favour really.
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Episode 180 - Bullseye...again
Oct 1, 2018
"ONE-HUUUUNDRED ANNNND EEEIIGHTYYYYYYYY!"
Yes we've already done a Bullseye episode, but what else could we do with our 180th episode? Literally anything else is a valid answer, but we're doing Bullseye anyway because it's ace so f*ck you.
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Episode 181 - Chain Letters
Oct 8, 2018
"Take a word...
Change a letter...
Do it again...
And you've got a chain!
That's how you play-ay-ay Chain Letters!
Chain Letters!"
We're still on a gameshow kick, and we used to love Chain letters with Andrew O'Connor. Except this episode has the original host Jeremy Beadle. Ugh. Change the "G" to an "L" to make "LAMESHOW," L-A-M-E-S-H-O-W.
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Episode 182 - Name That Tune
Oct 15, 2018
More gameshow fun as Lionel Blair guides the elderly down memory lane listening to the first few notes of ancient music hall numbers and wartime classics. This show was doing nostalgia before it was cool.
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Episode 183 - The Famous Five
Oct 22, 2018
We've put it off long enough, but we're finally doing the classic TV show about four meddling teenagers and their dog solving crimes... It's the Famous Five! Not Scooby Doo like you thought I meant. Even though you read the title of the episode first. Silly Wheelers.
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Episode 184 - Ghost Writer
Oct 29, 2018
Word!
Educational Halloween fun with a spooky word-obsessed ghost or alien or something, and possibly the most nineties teens to appear on the podcast so far. Plus, Samuel L Jackson is in this. Don't say we don't treat you nice, because we do.
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Episode 185 - Big Break
Nov 5, 2018
Snooker-based gameshow fun as we delve into the highlight of Jim Davidson's career, watching snooker players "pot as many balls as they can" at the behest of hairy trick shot wizard John Virgo.
It's like Bullseye, but balls.
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Episode 186 - Allsorts
Nov 12, 2018
Allsorts is an awful cut-price Rainbow wannabe, except instead of puppets there are simple men, and instead of a bear there's a human-dog hybrid straight out of your nightmares.
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Episode 187 - Charlie Chalk
Nov 19, 2018
Postman Pat was good wasn't it? Bertha was excellent, I think we can all agree.
This week we watched Charlie Chalk. Oh well.
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Episode 188 - Rainbow Brite
Nov 26, 2018
Hallmark mascot Rainbow Brite is another character given a cartoon that was primarily aimed at girls in the 80s. The plot inevitably revolves around bringing colour and light to a dark world, or fighting a monochrome villain who hates happiness or whatever. We couldn't tell you, we were barely paying attention.
If the reboot gains a lot of adult male fans, we think they should be called "Rain-Bros."
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Episode 189 - Nellie the Elephant
Dec 3, 2018
This week we're packing our trunks and saying goodbye to the circus, as we watch Nellie The Elephant and curse the continuous failure of our Skype connection. You should be used to this by now.
Episode 190 - Pole Position
Dec 10, 2018
Pole Position is about stunt-driving crime-fighters, and may or may not have been based on a video game, I'm not sure, you have access to Wikipedia, why don't you find out yourself?
Episode 191 - Wowser
Dec 17, 2018
Wowser is an anime about a clumsy Belgian dog that you've probably never heard of. We have though, so why should we suffer alone?
This episode also includes some bonus nostalgia for foreign language songs we barely remember, so don't say we don't give you anything.
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Episode 192 - He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special
Dec 24, 2018
It's the W4B Christmas episode, so we're watching the Christmassyest thing from the 80s we could find on a quick Google search. Merry Christmas from Eternia, as we join musclebound sword-wielding twins Adam and Adora as they fight Skeletor and Hordak, except in the snow. And for a longer amount of time than usual.
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Episode 193 - Dinner for One
31 Dec, 2018
Is there a better way to welcome a new year than by watching a drunken butler trip over a tiger rug? If there is I don't want to hear about it. Because I watched this instead and I'm already depressed enough.
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Episode 194 - Countdown
Jan 7, 2019
TV Legend Richard Whiteley presents Channel 4's first ever TV show, as your W4B hosts reminisce about one of their favourite people whilst trying to make sense of letters and numbers like a couple of squares. I bet they wear their backpacks on both shoulders as well.
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Episode 195 - The Fiddley Foodle Bird
Jan 14, 2019
Bruce Forsyth narrates the confusing story of the Fiddley Foodle Bim Bam Boodle Diddley Doodle Oodle Bird.
Or "Dennis Waterman" for short.
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Episode 196 - Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
Jan 21, 2019
"AAAHHHH! AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS I'M FREE! TIME TO CONQUER EARTH!"
That's right, we threatened we'd do it, so now sit back and watch everyone's favourite mish-mash of Japanese Super Sentai shows and American teenagers with "attitude." An attitude that's generally pleasant and well-meaning. Edgy.
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Jan 28, 2019
This episode, we learn about the horrors of unnatural reproduction and the joys of songs about reproduction, as we watch Dr Moreau castoffs the Wuzzles and discuss which is the superior Grease movie. It's Grease 2.
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Feb 4, 2019
Video game TV shows are like buses. Most of them are shit, and half of them have got Violet Berlin in them.
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Feb 11, 2019
All the "will they, won't they" tension of the old Popeye cartoons is destroyed in this sequel series, which reveals Popeye and Olive definitely end up together. Sorry Team Bluto.
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Episode 200 - The Amazing Spider-Man
Feb 18, 2019
Before there was a Spider-Verse... Before the MCU... Before Tom Holland, Andrew Garfield or Tobey Maguire... there was Nicholas Hammond. And he really needed those condensers!
Mark and Martyn celebrate 200 episodes of W4B with a bumper-sized special episode, as they re-watch the first ever live-action Spider-Man, testing '70s special effects (and Nicholas Hammond's trousers) to their limits.
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Episode 201 - Dungeons & Dragons RE-REVISITED
Feb 25, 2019
"Ranger... Barbarian... Magician... Thief... Cavalier... and Acrobat!"
100 more episodes have gone by, so Mark and Martyn re-revisit the first episode of W4B by re-rewatching the first episode of Dungeons and Dragons. Again. Because they said they would. And they are stupid.
Re-reliving all the fun and adventure of a group of abandoned teenagers hampered in their quest to get home by a small mewling unicorn. For a third time. It's just as good as it sounded both times before.
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Mar 4, 2019
"Do you feel the power... of the Gladiators?
Do you have the will... and the skill?"
This week we watch Gladiators, a show that combined all the pantomime of British wrestling with all the sporting achievement of British wrestling.
Saturday evening TV never got better than this. A sad indictment of Saturday evening TV.
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Episode 203 - Stars In Their Eyes
Mar 11, 2019
"Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be..." embarrassing myself on national TV.
It's part 2 of our "classic" Saturday night light entertainment lineup, as we watch Stars In Their Eyes; the show where ordinary members of the public walked into some smoke as themselves, and came out as their favourite singers. There is no possible way that could backfire on them 25 years later.
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Mar 18, 2019
In the early 90s, before we all had pocket computers with instant access to as much pornography as we liked, there was one reliable Saturday afternoon source of slow-motion boobs and bums and OH GOD IT'S HASSELHOFF MY EYES!
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Mar 25, 2019
Us: "Any good podcast recommendations?"
Contestant No. 1: "I don't know about podcasts, but I'll whisper sweet nothings into your ears all night
long..."
Contestant No. 2: "I have a true crime podcast, and I'll steal your heart tonight."
Contestant No. 3: "If you like podcasts where two sad men talk about shit old telly interspersed with stories about threadworms, you should listen to When Wagon Wheels Were Bigger."
It's Blind Date. ("BLIND-A DATE-A!")
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Episode 206 - Defenders of the Earth
Apr 1, 2019
A space adventurer, a jungle warrior, a sorcerer and a really strong guy team up with some kids to fight a less ethnically-troublesome version of a space dictator.
Only 206 episodes in and we're finally doing Defenders of the Earth ("Defenders!"), the cartoon that made shared universes cool before anyone was even thinking about shared universes.
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Episode 207 - Tickle on the Tum
Apr 8, 2019
Heavily-edited regretful shenanigans this week as Mark and Martyn watch Tickle on the Tum, and Martyn learns the value of thinking before he speaks a little too late.
At least all the Tickle on the Tum fans will be happy though. That last part isn't true.
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Apr 15, 2019
A wizard from the time of the Normans is magically transported to the present. Well, the past now.
But it was the present back then, and apparently perfectly acceptable for young boys to keep strange men a secret from their parents...
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Episode 209 - Mr Rossi Looks For Happiness
Apr 22, 2019
"Viva viva happiness..."
There's no happiness to be found here, as Mark and Martyn put Mr Rossi on in the background and have a moan like the two bitter old men they are these days. Sorry. That's a spoonerism of Rossi. Sort of.
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Apr 29, 2019
It's the beginning of another contrived trilogy of episodes as we watch some crap 90s cartoons, starting with one of the worst spin-off ideas ever created - the nephew and/or illegitimate son of a womanising government-payroll killer. At school. With idiots.
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Episode 211 - Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
May 6, 2019
Part two of the nineties-cartoons-based-on-movies-for-adults trilogy, as we watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, which is actually based on Return of the Killer Tomatoes.
But don't worry about the "sauce" (source) material - let's journey back to our salad days and "ketchup" (catch up) with the first episode. In "Heinz-sight" (hindsight) these show notes were a terrible idea...
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May 13, 2019
What do you get when you cross a gruesomely violent movie about a melted monster killing pimps, rapists and drug dealers with a desperate desire to sell action figures to innocent children?
This, obviously.
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May 20, 2019
Bread was set in a nightmarish Northern eighties dystopia where a huge family lived in a tiny house and everyone was a miserable con artist and/or failure. It was like Jonny Briggs, but aimed at grown ups. And with a laugh track. HA HA HA HA HAAA MISERY IS FUNNY!
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May 27, 2019
Keith Barron (not a real Baron) stars in Duty Free, where inexplicably two women are interested in him. And there's a man with a moustache.
Two men with moustaches. But where do they sit on the Burt Reynolds spectrum? This is the only podcast that will tell you.
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Jun 3, 2019
"Because of you, these things I do..."
Don't try to blame your misogyny on us, Jacko from Brush Strokes! We'll have no part of it. Now get back in the kitchen and Flash up those floor tiles.
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Episode 216 - Five Children & It
Jun 10, 2019
A small hairy troll puts a group of young upstarts through a number of hellish trials under the guise of fulfilling their wishes. It's basically the Apprentice, if Alan Sugar was even more Alan Sugar-y.
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Episode 217 - Through The Keyhole
Jun 17, 2019
Nosey busybody Loyd Grossman picks through celebrities' belongings while they're out, simultaneously thinking up pasta sauce recipes whilst trying to sound American. Or British. Which accent is the real one again...?
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Jun 24, 2019
We had to cover it someday; infamous nightmare fuel horror in the form of Mr Noseybonk, whose presence in an educational kids' TV show was presumably to make sure they'd rather be at school.
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Jul 1, 2019
How does Carol Vorderman make educational kids' TV fun? How do you keep Gareth "Gaz Top" Jones off the streets? How does Fred Dinenage eat his dinner? You will learn the answer to at least one of these questions during this podcast. But you'll wish you hadn't.
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Episode 220 - Ludwig/Aubrey/Murun Buchstansangur
Jul 8, 2019
Normally we'd get three short episodes out of three short cartoons. Unfortunately for us, these three cartoons were so awful we barely had enough content for one episode. So be prepared to be depressed by Ludwig, Aubrey and Baron...Moron...Marion Buslachatacher or whatever, and be glad you don't have to put up with three weeks of it.
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Jul 15, 2019
Episode 221 - Runaround
In Runaround, Mike Reid shouts at a loud of unruly kids as they decide which answers they like best, stand near their favourite answers, then go to prison if they're wrong.
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Jul 22, 2019
It's Christmas in July as we watch a Double Dare Christmas Special, starring Little and Large and the worst two members of the cast of Bread. Which is any two members of the cast of Bread.
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Jul 29, 2019
It's finally time for us to watch Bod, the mascot of lazy nostalgia and featureless face of "do you remember" vox pop whimsy.
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Aug 5, 2019
Doctor Snuggles looks like a fever dream you might have after eating ten bags of sugar and watching a twenty-four hour marathon of old Care Bears cartoons and Don't Hug Me I'm Scared.
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Aug 12, 2019
Kenneth Kendall and Wincey Willis guide the disappointingly non-alliterative Anneka Rice through a drawn out riddle-solving helicopter ride across the British countryside, while stereotypical 80s dads enjoy occasional footage of her tracksuited bum. Naughty dads.
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Aug 19, 2019
This week we appear to have stumbled upon an example of what kids' tv looks like on the Island of Doctor Moreau, as a bunch of furries do their best to entertain us whilst being painfully aware of how inappropriate some of their actions appear to be.
Still looks better than Cats though.
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Aug 26, 2019
In a vain attempt to get some crossover appeal with our Campaign on Dice audience, we watch a show with a wizard and a dragon in it. Disappointingly, all they do is read rubbish children's books and move their fingers around in puddles.
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Sep 2, 2019
Unfortunately this has nothing to do with the green-garbed question mark-themed Batman villain. Instead, this show is full of shit puppets dry humping the scenery and reminding us of real people you don't know.
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Sep 9, 2019
How do you get away with saying rude words in front of your parents as a child in the eighties? Watch Flicks with Christopher Lillicrap of course. Then tell them to f*ck off.
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Sep 16, 2019
Welcome to the dark, dark and confusing world of Funny Bones. Does the sun ever come up? Is the whole world full of skeletons? What does their natural history museum look like? Are we reading too much into a children's cartoon? Haven't you listened to us before?
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Sep 23, 2019
Who'd have thought kicking some leather around on a lawn could be so much fun? Not us. Because it's boring. This week we watch everyone's third favourite kids' show about football. No wait... fourth favourite.
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Episode 232 - Rod, Jane and Freddy
Sep 30, 2019
Do you remember Rod, Jane and Roger? No, no-one does, because much like Queen, this group needed a Freddie to hit the big time. Or at least a Freddy.
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Oct 7, 2019
What would happen if a teenager got bitten by a car on a full moon? Not this I bet.
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Episode 234 - Winner Takes All
Oct 14, 2019
Winner Takes All was a gambling gameshow about answering trivia whilst betting on the odds of each question. None of that matters though, as our real focus this episode is on the gambles made with Mark's fragile childhood. Who were the winners there? And what did they take? Hopefully not all.
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Episode 235 - Bellamy's Bugle
Oct 21, 2019
Everyone did an impression of David Bellamy in the 80s. He was famous for his funny voice. I bet you're imagining his voice right now. He wasn't famous for this show though. Or for blowing a bugle.
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Episode 236 - Are You Afraid Of The Dark?
Oct 28, 2019
Clowns are cool again, right? Pennywise is back, in Bill Skarsgård form; Joker's back, in Joaquin Phoenix form; and Zeebo's back, in this-episode-of-When-Wagon-Wheels-Were-Bigger form.
But which clown is the scariest?
It's Tim Curry. The answer is always Tim Curry.
Happy Halloween!
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Nov 4, 2019
Do you like remembering where things are on grids and occasionally playing basic computer games with terrible unresponsive 80s joysticks? Then you should go back in time and apply to be a contestant on Steal, as they apparently made it specifically for your unique set of interests. You weirdo.
Nov 11, 2019
More second generation gameshow host fun this week as we watch Lingo, hosted by the Evil Orphan Martin Daniels.The Evil Orphan Martin Daniels is a character created by When Wagon Wheels Were Bigger. Please don't confuse him with the real Evil Orphan Martin Daniels, who probably doesn't do the terrible things the character of the Evil Orphan Martin Daniels does.
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Nov 18, 2019
One woman and two octopus/spider glove puppets show us how to make household rubbish into plain old rubbish.
You can make anything you can imagine out of paper. PaperPlay teaches us that you probably shouldn't bother.
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Nov 25, 2019
Fred Harris had a mixed history with puppets and dolls. If he wasn't kicking them across TV studios in fits of blooper-baiting rage, he was being haunted by cursed ones in this.
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Dec 9, 2019
Bonjour, and welcome to the surprisingly French Hector's House, a calm and sedate palate cleanser after the horrible hell-born puppets we've endured over the last couple of weeks.
The really important question though; There were ten in the bed and the little one said...?
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Dec 16, 2019
Get Up and Go is about a cat from the moon encroaching on Beryl Reid's love life. Aren't you glad you didn't remember it?
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Episode 244 - The Paul Daniels Magic Christmas Show 1987
Dec 23, 2019
Christmas is famous for magic, so we're watching a Paul Daniels Christmas special! Why not crack open the mince pies, throw them in the bin and join us as we witness Paul milking newsreaders, an acrobatic display that goes on forever, and a puppet experiencing existential dismay. Merry Christmas!
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Episode 245 - Tomorrow's World Christmas Quiz 1989
Dec 30, 2019
It's been 30 years since this Tomorrow's World quiz, so we should know all the answers about the gadgets they're talking about, right? Nope, we're too busy taking our jetpacks to work and flying our hoverboards into clocktowers.
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Jan 6, 2020
We recorded this episode ages ago and had second thoughts about releasing it. But we've had a break over Christmas, and we're never going to watch Archer's Goon again. So here's Archer's Goon. Archer's the guy who sent the goon, right?
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Episode 247 - A Handful Of Songs
Jan 13, 2020
Two weirdos solicit drawings from children and sing songs about them, whilst nightmarish and occasionally racist imagery lurks in the background. Yet somehow, fans of this show think Chris Packham is the bad guy...?
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​Episode 248 - Hattytown Tales
Jan 20, 2020
Everyone is hats. Baker is hat. Policeman is hat. Mexican man is hat. Everyone is hats. You will be hat.
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Jan 27, 2020
Take a deep breath and smell that fresh Welsh air.
"Pshhh-ti-cuff, pshhh-ti-cuff, pshhh-ti-cuff!"
No wait, I'm choking on coal fumes. It's Ivor the Engine.
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Episode 250 - Grease 2 (part 1)
Feb 3, 2020
We've done 250 episodes of When Wagon Wheels Were Bigger, and what better way to celebrate two middle-aged men reliving their childhoods than watching a load of middle-aged men pretending to be high school kids?
It's Grease 2. Part 1.
Episode 251 - Grease 2 (part 2)
Feb 10, 2020
We finish watching Grease 2 this week, and what better way to celebrate a sequel that regurgitates tired old ideas than recording a podcast that regurgitates tired old jokes and references?
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Feb 17, 2020
It's our fifth anniversary, so we go on a shadowy flight into the dangerous world of a man... who does not exist. And we don't mean Takeshi's Castle (sorry Richard).
Take a ride with us in everyone's favourite talking car with a teacher's voice, as we watch Knight Rider.
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Episode 253 - Takeshi's Castle
Feb 24, 2020
Imagine running the Krypton Factor assault course, but there are hundreds of you, and you take a detour through a dirty lake, and you're being chased by men dressed as monsters while a megalomaniac laughs and taunts you. Also, Craig Charles is watching.
It's Takeshi's Castle.
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Mar 2, 2020
We thought we'd covered all the shows full of haunted raggedy puppets that inhabited our childhoods, but it turns out there's always another haunted raggedy puppet show lurking just around the corner.
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Mar 9, 2020
A show that epitomises all the worst elements of any "forgotten kids' show" creepypasta, Cloppa Castle definitely didn't exist, apart from in your nightmares. And now in ours.
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Episode 256 - The Pink Panther
Mar 16, 2020
A man tries to paint everything blue, but a panther intervenes and covers the walls with pink paint, instead of the man's blood, which is what would really happen if a panther was on the loose. Yet somehow, the second option seems preferable.
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Mar 23, 2020
We haven't done a gameshow for a while, so let's do a gameshow. Which gameshow shall we do? Lucky Ladders with Lennie Bennett? Why not? How do you play Lucky Ladders? Who cares, we're barely paying attention anyway. Sorry, Lucky Ladders fans. Or Lennie Bennett fans.
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Mar 30, 2020
Pat Coombs roams the countryside with a haunted doll, evading the paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren from out of the Conjuring movies and also real life. They are good at evading the Warrens because you don't see them or hear about them at all in this episode, but they are definitely pursuing Pat and the doll nonetheless.
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Episode 259 - The Giddy Game Show
Apr 6, 2020
This is a gameshow for pre-schoolers and the questions are easy and boring, so Mark comes up with some more challenging ones instead.
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Episode 260 - Noddy's Toyland Adventures
Apr 13, 2020
Noddy. The little gnome in the red and yellow car.
Shakey. A nickname for Shakin' Stevens.
It's the first episode in our gnome-ology, as we start looking at shows about gnomes for some reason. And at least this is the least racist version of Noddy. Probably.
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Episode 261 - David, The Gnome
Apr 20, 2020
Who is your favourite Tom Bosley character? Whatever you just said is wrong, because it's actually David comma The Gnome, the tiny sadistic veterinarian who could easily sneak into your house and kill you because he is stronger than 7 men. Luckily for you he prefers hurting animals, but we all know it's only a matter of time...
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Apr 27, 2020
We finish our Gnome-ology with the first episode of the Smurfs, the smurfiest pile of old smurf we've ever had to smurf.
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Episode 263 - Trans World Sport
May 4, 2020
Mentioned briefly during our David comma The Gnome episode, Trans World Sport was the program you had to sit through on a weekend morning before kids' tv started. Not good kids' tv though.
At least you would learn about sports from around the world. Not good sports though. We were just too lazy to go outside and play. Or even change the channel.
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May 11, 2020
"Thesp... build me a borg!" shouted Craig Charles, as he awaited the arrival of a blocky virtual reality avatar. But it never arrived. Was there something wrong with Thesp? Were the borgs broken? Or was he just in the B&Q car park again, being all confused?
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Episode 265 - Pugwall's Summer
May 18, 2020
"Nobody tells me what to do, no not me..."
Ah Pugwall, Australia's own rebel without a plot. Mark and Martyn revisit the summer holiday time slot filler about a 13 year old boy and his boring family and friends. In the summer - when they go to Japan for some reason. There's racism and disappointment - this is still the most Australian TV show ever made.
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May 25, 2020
Turnabout is the best thing Rob Curling has ever done. Better than presenting sports news on Sky News, better than motivationally speaking as a motivational speaker, better than anything else I find out about him in this Google search I just did.
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Jun 1, 2020
Four Square is a gameshow that nobody has ever watched. It is about squares. At least four of them I bet.
Writing show notes is hard sometimes.
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Jun 8, 2020
80s teenagers mash buttons frantically in First Class, the show hipsters will say they prefer to Gamesmaster. Are hipsters still a thing?
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Jun 15, 2020
What do you get when you cross Catchphrase with that game where you match pairs of cards? Matchphrase? No, it's Concentration you idiot, although that was a good and clever guess.
Perhaps the only gameshow where a creepy plastic robo-host offered cooked fish as a prize. That'll be niiiiiccce.
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Jun 22, 2020
Astro Farm combines asteroids and farms in an acceptable order and ratio.
Drop a farm on an asteroid, and you get a light-hearted animated series for children to enjoy.
Drop an asteroid on a farm, and you get a tragedy.
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Episode 271 - Galaxy High School
Jun 29, 2020
It's part one of the High-ology, which is a real thing, and we kick off with Galaxy High, the high school which is in a galaxy. Like all high schools.
Jul 6, 2020
Part two of our High-ology takes us to a world of vampire fonzies, werewolf nerds and undead cheerleaders, being taught by a remarkably unfazed Rick Moranis. Why would you go to school if you were undead?
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Jul 13, 2020
We finish our High-ology with Degrassi High, a boring Canadian school drama about a boring Canadian school. Boring. Let's learn about some more of Mark's school traumas and repressed memories instead.
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Episode 274 - Busman's Holiday
Jul 20, 2020
Before now, the worst gameshow prize we've come across was some cooked fish. Enter Busman's Holiday. Who wants to go on a holiday where you just do your normal job but in a different place? These losers.
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Jul 27, 2020
America, F*CK YEAH! Time for some patriotic jingoistic nonsense as we watch another animated toy advert and talk about toys we did or didn't have for about half an hour.
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Episode 276 - Tales of the Unexpected
Aug 3, 2020
We hope there will "bee" a lot of "buzz" about this episode, as we watch the show with a "sting in its tail." So "beehive" yourself and, uh, "pollen" up a chair to join us. It'll "bee" over in "nectar" to no time.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
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Aug 10, 2020
"Yeeeaaahhhh, RatFans!"
Roland Rat rose to fame on TV-AM, and since then it's become something of a tradition for breakfast TV in the UK to be hosted by vermin.
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Aug 17, 2020
A very specific selection of usually inanimate objects come to life and live together in a house with partially alive features. But don't worry about that, we have some ideas for better TV shows, and you're going to hear all about them in this episode.
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Episode 279 - The Adventures of Dynamo Duck
Aug 24, 2020
What do you get when you take a duck and some guinea pigs and put them in distress? If you said "sad" you're correct, but another correct answer is the Adventures of Dynamo Duck.
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Aug 31, 2020
Auntie Mabel takes Pippin the dog out in her plane to learn about things, as if Pippin understands or cares. Pippin spends her time remembering what it was like starring in series 1 of Woof! Pippin expects she will be replaced in this as well. Poor Pippin.
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Episode 281 - World of Sport Wrestling: Big Daddy vs Giant Haystacks
Sep 7, 2020
Two fat old men get out of breath, then they watch Big Daddy and Giant Haystacks have a bit of a wrestle.
It's funny because I was talking about us.
Not the wrestlers like you thought.
I'm good at jokes.
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Sep 14, 2020
Who suggested we do Cluedo? It was Mark, in a text message, with the youtube link.
The most boring board game in the world gets an upgrade into the most boring gameshow in the world.
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Episode 283 - Battle of the Planets?
Sep 21, 2020
We finally decided to do Battle of the Planets. Except we didn't. But we did. We didn't though. Although we did watch it.
We didn't.
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Sep 28, 2020
In space, no-one can hear you scream... so why did Space Ghost spend most of his time screaming his own name into the void?
The cartoon was rubbish, so we look back fondly on the Adult Swim talk show Space Ghost: Coast to Coast instead.
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Oct 5, 2020
It's October so let's watch something scary. Are we watching the news? Ha ha, it's funny because the world is a nightmare. Let's watch Dramarama instead, a classic episode about a haunted mirror or something.
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Oct 12, 2020
Elephants wear clothes and glasses and talk and everyone's just cool with that for some reason apparently. Still, they have a functioning monarchy so best not to ask too many questions, or Babar will probably have you beheaded.
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Episode 287 - Rubik, The Amazing Cube
Oct 19, 2020
Toys got cartoons all the time in the 80s, so why not a Rubik's cube?
"Because it's just an inanimate puzzle," you probably just said.
Well you're wrong, because it's got a face and feet and magic powers you Rubik's Rube!
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Episode 288 - Scooby-Doo, Where Are You!
Oct 26, 2020
Scooby-Doo taught us that evil old white men would dress up as ghosts to embezzle money and scare children. Real life taught us they become politicians instead. Happy Halloween.
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Nov 2, 2020
Do you know any songs about Arctic Hares? Derek Griffiths does. I guess that's why Derek got the Heads & Tails job and you didn't.
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Nov 9, 2020
In Film Fun, Derek Griffiths dresses up as a sexy lady, and also some other things as well. The best one is the sexy lady though.
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Nov 16, 2020
Despite sounding like a badly constructed innuendo pseudonym, Ivor Wood was also a real person, who used second-hand Postman Pat puppets to tell stories about an old lady in the mostly forgotten animated series, Gran.
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Episode 292 - The Little Green Man
Nov 23, 2020
Jon Pertwee narrates the adventures of a boy, an alien and an alien's imaginary friend, as we debate whether real things or imaginary things are scarier.
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Nov 30, 2020
Before Jurassic Park, the best animated dinosaurs ever committed to film were in Moschops. I haven't really kept track since then, but Moschops is probably still up there, right?
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Episode 294 - The Fonz and the Happy Days Gang
Dec 14, 2020
When Happy Days ended, what happened to the Fonz? Did he;
Die in a tragic repeat of his shark-jumping demonstration?
Continue to live above a garage to be sexually available for his best friend's mother?
Time travel with a dog, a magic future woman and two losers?
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Episode 295 - Bruce Forsyth's Generation Game Christmas Special
Dec 21, 2020
Copy this thing you saw a professional do once. Copy it with your Mum or Dad. Oh no, you've done it wrong. Now you look stupid don't you. Now say "CUDDLY TOY!"
Everyone join in, say cuddly toy.
We're not going anywhere until you say it.
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Episode 296 - Happy New Year Charlie Brown
Dec 28, 2020
What's the best way to cap off one of the most depressing anxiety-inducing years ever? Watching a load of downtrodden animated first-graders suffering with emotional issues of course!
Happy New Year Charlie Brown, you morose little prick.
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Jan 4, 2021
A load of fruit and vegetables are alive and have named themselves the Munch Bunch, which is like a load of prisoners on death row calling themselves the Hang Gang.
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Episode 298 - Arthur C Clarke's Mysterious World
Jan 11, 2021
Thanks to Indiana Jones, this is only the second most boring thing with a crystal skull in it.
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Jan 18, 2021
Shake some blue cloth around - now you're in the water! Wear a cushion on your head - now you're a pirate! Record 299 episodes of a podcast - now you're famous and popular!
Pretending is fun.
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