Feb 17, 2015
Episode 1 - Dungeons and Dragons
"Ranger... Barbarian... Magician... Thief... Cavalier... and Acrobat!" Mark and Martyn watch the first episode of Dungeons and Dragons, reliving all the fun and adventure of a group of abandoned teenagers hampered in their quest to get home by a small mewling unicorn. It's just as good as it sounds.
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Feb 25, 2015
Episode 2 - Thundercats
"Thunder... Thunder... Thundercats... HOOOOO!"
This week Mark and Martyn revisit the refugees of Thundera, discover an unsettling fashion trend and ponder on all the stuff in the show that doesn't make sense. Spoiler: it's most of it.
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Mar 4, 2015
Episode 3 - Dogtanian
"One for all and all for one, Muskehounds are always ready..." to disappoint you.
Mark and Martyn sit through the long slow introduction to the world of Dogtanian and try to make the best of it.
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Mar 11, 2015
"Enter... Stranger..."
Mark and Martyn become watchers of illusion in the castle of confusion, as they take another look at the children's gameshow Knightmare. As it turns out, children are not good at gameshows.
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Mar 18, 2015
"Dance your cares away, worries for another day..."
Fraggle Rock is on the agenda this week as Mark and Martyn quickly work out there are some things that are above mockery. Fraggle Mockery.
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Episode 6 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Mar 25, 2015
"Heroes in a half-shell. Turtle power!"
The merchandising phenomenon and surprisingly enduring franchise makes its way onto our list, as Mark and Martyn discuss one of the biggest cartoons of their childhoods and wonder if it was worthy of its lofty position.
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Apr 1, 2015
"In the greenhouse, Greenclaws' greenhouse, Greenclaws grows them amazing plants..." and Iris might be smoking whatever is being grown...
Mark and Martyn revisit an apparently obscure British kids show about a horrifying Northern monster and his mentally ill human companion, and learn a little about cricket along the way...
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Episode 8 - Jayce & The Wheeled Warriors
Apr 8, 2015
"Lightning Strikes!" Classic 80s rock theme song, confusing mismatched motifs, Jayce and the Wheeled Warriors has it all. Mark and Martyn continue the podcast that's basically becoming an extended therapy session.
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Apr 15, 2015
"Working Overtime, Fighting Crime... Fighting Crime!"
The adventures of the Mobile Armoured Strike Kommand get scrutinised by Mark and Martyn, as they realise that sometimes toy commercials can be entertaining....
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Apr 22, 2015
Mark and Martyn fail to co-ordinate as they watch slightly different versions of the pilot episode of Inspector Gadget, which itself features a slightly different version of the character we all know and love. Know and like...? Just know.
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Apr 29, 2015
The therapy continues as Mark and Martyn face a childhood fear - Zelda, the most frightening puppet ever conceived. 30 years later, will she still have the power to scare? Spoiler alert - yes, of course, she's terrifying.
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May 6, 2015
More childhood fears are put to rest as Mark and Martyn settle down to watch the gentle middle-class sci-fi "classic" Chocky. Remembered not-so-fondly for being a bit scary, will our intrepid podcasters make it through an entire episode? Why do we have Men and Women? Why do cows just stop? One of these questions will be answered...
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Episode 13 - Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends
May 13, 2015
Mark and Martyn examine the difficult second album of Spider-Man's animated career. It doesn't have the iconic theme song, it doesn't have good animation, but it does have Iceman. And Firestar. So there's that...
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May 20, 2015
"Stand back Superman, Iceman, Spider-Man, Batman and Robin too..."
Mark and Martyn witness the incredible powers of Supergran, which mostly involve jumping, moving at the speed of a normal person and extra sensory perception... Or something...? The Scunner Campbell had better watch out. He is in Newcastle after all.
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Episode 15 - The Legend Of Zelda
May 27, 2015
"Well Excuuuuuse Me, Princess!"
Mark and Martyn settle down to watch the animated adventures of Link, the pervert with a bad attitude that you won't remember from the excellent Legend of Zelda video games.
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Episode 16 - He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
Jun 3, 2015
"By the Power of Grayskull..."
Here it is, He-Man finally comes under the scrutiny of Mark and Martyn's mockery. A powerhouse in physique and merchandising, if not disguises...
We also learn more about the boys' toy collections and traumas that made them the men(?) they are today.
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Episode 17 - She-Ra, Princess of Power
Jun 10, 2015
Having watched He-Man last week, Mark and Martyn settle down for the companion series She-Ra. It has a better theme song, better animation and a more interesting pilot. But it's for girls...? Blecch, girls are yucky!
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Jun 17, 2015
"Bertha, lovely Bertha, you are a lovely machine..."
Mark and Martyn visit an overstaffed toy factory in Spottiswood where the sentient machinery is forced to make jigsaws very slowly, and both mild racism and sexism runs rampant. It was acceptable in the 80s...
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Jun 24, 2015
On the forest moon of Endor, the Ewoks play forbidden games and stop magic-based forest fires. Meanwhile Mark and Martyn discuss other Star Wars-related things, learn some Ewokese and end up on tumblr. What I'm saying is, the Ewoks cartoon is boring.
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Jul 1, 2015
Not another Spider-Man episode like you thought, prompted by a throwaway comment in episode 18, Mark and Martyn sit through the only sitcom Bruce Forsythe ever made. For good reason...
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Episode 21 - Challenge of the Gobots
Jul 8, 2015
Challenge of the Gobots - the biggest challenge being can Mark and Martyn make it through an entire episode without mentioning how much better Transformers was.They fail.
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Jul 15, 2015
"Nobody tells me what to do, no not me..."
Ah Pugwall, Australia's own rebel without a plot. Mark and Martyn revisit the summer holiday time slot filler about a 13 year old boy and his boring family and friends. There's a barbecue and disappointment - this is the most Australian TV show ever made.
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​Episode 23 - Saved By The Bell
Jul 22, 2015
"When I wake up in the morning, an alarm gives out a warning, I don't think I'm gonna make it on time..."
Smug Zack and smug Slater hit on vacuous Kelly in the pilot episode of Saved By The Bell, the flagship high school-based sitcom of the late eighties. Will Mark and Martyn avoid the obvious Dustin Diamond remarks? Pphhh, no.
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Episode 24 - Emu's All Live Pink Windmill Show
Jul 29, 2015
"There's Somebody At The Door... There's Somebody At The Door..."
Mark and Martyn settle down to watch a man in a pink suit with a fake arm trying to control a pretend bird with a thirst for human pain. On live TV. For children. Nostalgia is a funny thing isn't it...
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Aug 5, 2015
Mark and Martyn celebrate the landmark 25th episode of the podcast that watches kids TV from the 80s by watching a show that's a) not from the 80s and b) not for kids. Adults in tracksuits play games for crystals in order to gain time to grab shiny pieces of paper in a claustrophobic vertical wind tunnel. Still, at least there's no Ed Tudor-Pole in this one.
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Aug 12, 2015
"Early in the morning, just as day is dawning..." Mark and Martyn rewatch the first episode of Postman Pat, and confirm that every village has its dark secrets, and Greendale is no exception... A postman who delivers almost no mail but hangs around school playgrounds and children's parties, evidence of a thriving swinging scene and some very unsavoury discoveries. How did the doll get there? It's really not worth thinking about...
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Aug 19, 2015
"If you lived in Pigeon Street, here are the people you could meet..."
It may sound like a Channel 4 documentary about vermin-infested council flats, but it's actually a charming pre-school animation (about vermin-infested council flats). Mark and Martyn take a trip to Pigeon Street to listen to the funky theme song and be disappointed by everything else.
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Aug 26, 2015
Mark and Martyn watch another pre-school classic, where simple sounds and bright colours designed to entertain toddlers are tasked with keeping the attention of two men in their thirties. Still, at least there's a double entendre thrown in by a production crew and presenter who knew exactly what they were doing. So listen out for that.
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Sep 2, 2015
"Everybody knows, Badger loves..." an incompetent ventriloquist's hand up its arse.
Mark and Martyn watch the baffling kids' series about a traveller and his badger-shaped mashed potato-obsessed sock that somehow lasted ten years.
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Episode 30 - The Mysterious Cities Of Gold
Sep 9, 2015
"Children of the sun, see your time has just begun..." And it's not likely to end for a long time. A really long time...
Mark and Martyn watch the first episode of the eternal saga that was The Mysterious Cities Of Gold, and marvel at the sinister undertones of child slavery and ritual sacrifice that seem to go hand in hand with the 80s. I'm starting to wonder how we made it out alive...
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Sep 16, 2015
"We're called Jossy's Giants, football's just a branch of science..."
A failing children's football team and their unconventional new manager fall under the scrutiny of Mark and Martyn in the first episode of Jossy's Giants, which paints a bleak tracksuited picture of 1980s England. Or "Eng-er-lund" to use its correct football pronunciation.
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Sep 23, 2015
"It's a real crazy show where anything goes..." Anything involving balloons, confetti and slime at any rate... Yes, Mark and Martyn have watched the first episode of Fun House, and it's exactly as you remember it. Except the go-karts look slower. And so do the twins.
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Episode 33 - Galloping Galaxies!
Sep 30, 2015
Irish Robot Pirates! Sex Doll Robot Pirates! Kenneth Williams as a computer! Unnecessary exclamation marks! Galloping Galaxies(!) has it all! Shame nobody else remembers it. Are we really scraping the barrel already?
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Episode 34 - The Adventure Game
Oct 7, 2015
Moira Stuart as a shape-shifting crystal-stealing alien, and Fred Harris being threatened with getting vaporised. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Hold onto that imagined excitement and pray it gets you through the mind-numbing puzzles that make the questions on 3-2-1 seem simple.
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Oct 14, 2015
A young Philip Schofield talks to a young Kylie Minogue and an even younger Dannii Minogue, a young Trevor and Simon do a singing sketch, and a young Gordon the Gopher squeaks at a young Philip Schofield. Meanwhile, Sarah Green and Mike Smith are in hospital. Live tv has never been this boring. Apart from a weird editing surprise that caught us off guard...
Mark and Martyn watch as much of Going Live as they can stand whilst reminiscing about other (better) Saturday morning shows.
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Oct 21, 2015
Izzy Wizzy, let's get busy! (Tap tap tap tap tap, tap tap!)
Although there's no magic wand in this episode. Also conspicuous by their absence - Soo and Matthew's beard. Mark and Martyn watch the first episode of Sooty to air in 1980, and it's a weird variety show format that neither one remembers or ever watched. At least there's a special guest to keep us entertained... Alan Randall! Anyone...?
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Oct 28, 2015
The first "girls' cartoon" to appear on the show since She-Ra, and Martyn's something of an expert for some reason. Don't let appearances fool you though - this show is full of curiously adult themes and mild peril, including child abduction, rohypnol-laced beverages and a terrifying brainwashing cult of rainbow-coloured bears. How exactly do you "stare" out of your stomach anyway...?
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Episode 38 - Your Mother Wouldn't Like It
Nov 4, 2015
This time Mark and Martyn are watching the classic anarchic kids' sketch show Your Mother Wouldn't Like It, and it's still quite funny. And a little bit xenophobic. Would your mother like it? Probably not if she's French...
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Nov 11, 2015
The show they said they'd never do. Until someone asked them and they didn't have any better ideas... Mark and Martyn enjoy some literal toilet humour as they take the plunge to watch Round The Bend, the tv comic that was actually funny.
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Nov 25, 2015
"My Little Pony, Skinny and Bony..." Hilarious.
Mark and Martyn make good on their promise to look at more "girls' cartoons," and delve into the show with arguably the most infamous internet fanbase, My Little Pony. Given the fact that the "brony" phenomenon is more about the modern incarnation of the colourful miniature horses, will your hosts resist the temptation to talk about it? Phhh, nope.
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Dec 2, 2015
"MacToot blows on his bagpipes, while Elspeth and Angus watch those notes go floating across the waves..."
More casual eighties racist stereotypes ahead, as Mark and Martyn watch the drunken adventures of Scottish dinosaurs and hallucinating firemen through the eyes of two children with magical whistles. Everyone learns a lesson along the way. Especially Mark and Martyn, who have been misinformed about one particular character for the last thirty years...
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Dec 9, 2015
Mark and Martyn look on as Kenneth Williams hangs around in the woods with giant caterpillars, fairies and TV sets that are also witches. You heard me.
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Dec 16, 2015
It's another request as Mark and Martyn finally get around to watching the bizarre sci-fi sitcom for kids Mike & Angelo. It's not the first episode, but considering the show is about an alien man-child who comes to earth in a flying wardrobe to live in a teenager's bedroom, I'm not sure I want any further explanation...
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Dec 23, 2015
"We're walking in the air..."
Mark and Martyn succumb to seasonal peer pressure and do a Christmas special - everyone's favourite boring and depressing tale of impending mortality, Raymond Briggs' The Snowman. Everything dies eventually. Merry Christmas.
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Episode 45 - Pryde of the X-Men
Jan 13, 2016
To tie-in with this week's episode of If You Like (*cough* go and subscribe to that podcast as well *cough*), Mark and Martyn watch the 80s precursor to the better known X-men animated series from the 90s, full of inexplicable accents and opening credit set pieces.
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Jan 20, 2016
"Eyes of the Hawk, Ears of the Wolf, Bravestarr! (Bravestarr) Strength of the Bear, Speed of the Poo-Ma!"
Everyone's favourite bowel movement-related super power joke from the playgrounds of 1987 is relived as Mark and Martyn watch Bravestarr again. Pssst... It's just cowboy He-Man on Tatooine...
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Jan 27, 2016
"Everybody needs good neighbours..." Unfortunately we got boring and confusing neighbours instead.
Another request show, this week Mark and Martyn watch the first episode of long-running Australian soap opera Neighbours. So throw another shrimp on the barbie, open a tinny and look out for brown-eyed mullets in the pool...
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Episode 48 - Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids
Feb 3, 2016
"Hey Hey Hey!" Bill Cosby introduces us to Fat Albert and his friends, and Mark and Martyn pay no attention to the fact that this show isn't from the eighties, or to any of Bill Cosby's recent activities. Whatever they were. We don't know anything about that.
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Feb 10, 2016
"Ulyssee-ee-ee-ee-ees, no-one else can do the things you do..." Although you do appear to have copied your fair share of popular culture.
Another boring, bearded sci-fi father-figure with a whiny son, annoying robot and generic alien entourage. Ulysses 31 has it all. How can something so technically well-made be so bad?
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Episode 50 - Transformers The Movie (1986)
Feb 17, 2016
Mark and Martyn have done 50 podcasts (party popper sound effect), so to mark the occasion they finally get around to one of the biggest franchises of the 80s, Transformers. Not only that, but it's the movie, which is a harrowing bloodbath. Can robots bleed? They can definitely feel pain in this movie. So much pain...
So listen in friends as your hosts are forced to talk to each other for three times longer than usual and see which dies first - all your beloved childhood characters or the W4B boys' enthusiasm?
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Feb 24, 2016
The Goodies add their voices to a fruit-based parody of Captain Marvel in the disappointing Bananaman. Bananas have long been a comedy staple, even though they're not very funny. Maybe it's because the idea of slipping on a banana skin actually comes from the substitution of bananas for dog mess. In that respect, the creators of Bananaman have really paid suitable homage...
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Episode 52 - Thomas The Tank Engine
Mar 2, 2016
Gentle, calming, good old-fashioned children's classic Thomas The Tank Engine. Even if they wanted to, Mark and martyn couldn't ruin this. Apart from talking all over it. Good job idiots.
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Mar 9, 2016
Part awful horror movie, part awful bawdy comedy, Worzel Gummidge is just as bad and/or good as you remember. Although we only half remember bits and pieces if we're honest. At least the kids aren't particularly annoying though...
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Episode 54 - Captain N: The Game Master
Mar 16, 2016
A cartoon that's useless as both entertainment and advertising, failing as it does to produce either a good story or a good representation of Nintendo characters or hardware. Even Sonic the Hedgehog's cartoon was better than this...
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Mar 23, 2016
The Northern adventures of a bunch of impossible-to-understand teenagers at a youth club in Newcastle. Who goes to youth clubs anyway?
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Mar 30, 2016
Timmy Mallett deserves a punch and Michaela Strachan deserves better - it's WACADAY, the Wide Awake Club spin off that's just as awkward and uncomfortable to watch as it ever was. At least Mark and Martyn get to watch some old adverts along the way...
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Apr 6, 2016
"Ha ha this-a-way, ha ha that-a-way..." That forced phonetic laughter is the only laughter to be had from this terrible show. Apart from the anti-French xenophobia expressed halfway through.
Mark and Martyn watch Wizbit to honour the sad passing of magician and entertainer Paul Daniels. If only it had been good.
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Apr 13, 2016
Inexplicable talking tigers, magic word-based transformations and horrible stock animation. Yes it's squinting lawsuit-magnet Captain Marvel. Or Shazam. Or whatever he's called this week. Mark and Martyn have some choice names for him after sitting through this...
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Apr 20, 2016
A Scottish man talks to a cardboard cone on his hand and everybody's okay with it, in the made-in-simpler-times British classic FingerMouse. Do you really think Mark and Martyn will avoid the obvious jokes? Do you? This must be your first W4B...
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Apr 29, 2016
People made out of household items use a baked bean can rocket to visit a moon made out of a giant yellow button. You already know what Button Moon was all about, I can't make it sound any weirder than it already is...
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May 13, 2016
A boy turns into a dog. Later in the series a grown man who turns into a dog befriends him. There's a grooming joke to be made but I'm rising above it.
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Episode 62 - The Real Ghostbusters
May 20, 2016
Previously considered for the "untouchable" pile, The Real Ghostbusters was a huge deal to Mark and Martyn as kids and perhaps above mockery...? Shame it isn't the new Ghostbusters trailer...
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Episode 63 - Penny Crayon/Jimbo & The Jet Set
May 27, 2016
As promised, Mark and Martyn deliver a double bill of disappointment with the Maddocks Animations Penny Crayon and Jimbo & The Jet Set. Ironic that Penny Crayon is about drawings that come to life, when the animation in these shows has rigor mortis setting in...
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Jun 3, 2016
Hi-De-Hi Wheelers! Mark and Martyn can't hear you! Hi-De-Hi Wheelers! This could go on for a while...
Tedious holiday camp "fun" is inflicted in what feels like real-time as we watch what passed for entertainment in the 80s re-enacting what passed for entertainment in the 50s. Yay.
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Jun 10, 2016
Listen very carefully, we will watch this only once...
Mark and Martyn get political with a tenuously EU referendum-based pick in the form of amiable Nazi-occupied sitcom Allo Allo. So let's all laugh at foreigners just like in the good old days. Ha ha ha, they're slightly different than me.And so on.
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Jun 24, 2016
"We've got spooks and ghouls and freaks and fools, at... Rentaghost!"
Not to mention all your favourite pantomime rejects and future soap stars. Yes we're back on track (sort of), looking at kids' tv again after a few weeks of old sitcoms. And what more natural route back than via the worst of all children's sitcoms, Rentaghost. Don't go into the cellar! Because there's a dragon, or the ghost of a dragon, or the ghost of a man dressed as a dragon, or something...
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Jul 1, 2016
"Up above the streets and houses, Rainbow climbing high.."
...Geoffrey sticks his bum out the window, poos in Bungle's eye. Yes it's Rainbow, the eternal target of all nostalgic kids' TV jokes. How have Mark and Martyn avoided it for so long? Ha ha ha, twangers, etc.
BONUS CONTENT - stick around at the end of the podcast for some uncharacteristic serious political discussion. SPOILERS: we wished the UK had voted "remain."
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Episode 68 - WWF Royal Rumble 1990
Jul 8, 2016
"Llllet's get rrreadyyy to infringe copyright..."
Inspired by their sister podcast If You Like (this week covering WWE coughSHAMELESS PLUGcough), Mark and Martyn take a trip back to 1990 when wrestling was all colourful tights and saggy stomachs. It's the Royal Rumble match, full of all the faces you'd recognise in the eighties, and plenty that you won't as well. Sorry Dino Bravo...
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Jul 15, 2016
"You must have seen the movie, you must have read the book..."
Mark and Martyn endure the adventures of Bob Godfrey's mellow yellow feline, Henry's Cat. Do you know someone who knows what he knows? You must know Henry's Cat. You MUST.
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Jul 22, 2016
A magically alive superhero teddy bear with a spotty alien sidekick fights an evil cowboy and his henchmen, a fat man and a skeleton. That is all.
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Jul 29, 2016
"You and Me, Me and You, lots and lots for you to do..."
Mostly hanging around a market stall with a couple of raggedy puppets covering pre-school curricular basics. Still, at least sometimes Garry Wilmot was in it. Not this one though. Not this one...
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Episode 72 - The Littlest Hobo
Aug 5, 2016
"There's a voice, keeps on calling me..."
Yes, it's everybody's favourite multi-skilled four-legged homeless do-gooder, the Littlest Hobo. As an added bonus, this series seems to have been made before anyone cared about animal welfare.
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Aug 12, 2016
"Language Timothy!"
Ronnie Corbett's finest hour... was probably The Two Ronnies.
Ronnie Corbett's best sitcom... appearance was probably that episode of Extras he did.
Ronnie Corbett... was also in this.
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Aug 19, 2016
"It's not much of a life when you're just a pretty face..."
It's probably not much of a life when your head's on backwards either. It's the Raggy Dolls, the reject toys who taught kids that being different is ok. Unless you're French.
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Aug 26, 2016
Welcome to Pontypandy, the Welsh village where half the population also serve in the fire brigade. Still, when there are this many kites getting stuck and an arsonist child living nearby, I suppose that's for the best.
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Sep 2, 2016
"Don't you open that trapdoor, 'cos there's something down there..."
Willie Rushton talks us through the animated adventures of your favourite childhood plasticine monsters. Let's all stop and appreciate the fact that this hasn't been remade using CG. Yet.
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Sep 9, 2016
Anthropomorphised shoes live in a magical village in a cobbler's back room. How are there still good new ideas nowadays if they were scraping the barrel this desperately in the 80s? There aren't any good new ideas, that's how!
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Episode 78 - The Poddington Peas
Sep 16, 2016
"Down at the bottom of the gar-den..."
Mark and Martyn watch the Poddington Peas, possibly the only kids' show to include a reference to the birds and the bees in its opening theme. So although that's a bit creep-pea, don't be grump-pea! The show's pretty crap-pea but at least the podcast is snap-pea. Ugh, kill me...
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Sep 23, 2016
Noot Noot! It's Pingu, the plasticine penguin you probably thought was from the nineties. Well it's actually an eighties creation, so it fits our criteria. Only being five minutes long is a bonus...
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Sep 30, 2016
Imagine a Japanese Terrahawks that was good. A listener request that neither Mark and Martyn recalls watching, Star Fleet is that rarest of things - a kids' show from the 80s that was actually watchable...
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Oct 7, 2016
This show is called "Tugs." Make up your own jokes. They'll be a lot better than ours.
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Oct 14, 2016
"Oh come with me to the rolling sea where the weather's calm and still..."
Mark and Martyn watch the adventures of three men in a lighthouse, where there's nothing weird going on at all honest, and all the shipping forecast references are lost on the children it was meant for.
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Oct 21, 2016
"A Suitcase full of clothes, everybody knows, when you're dressed in your Sunday best... anything goes!"
Dressing up pigs in funny clothes and pretending they're something else is probably illegal these days. Or at least frowned upon. As the song says, "it was acceptable in the 80s..."
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Oct 28, 2016
"Cockleshell Bay is a town near the sea, with sunshine and seagulls that screech,
There are shops that sell ices and buckets and spades, so that children can play on the beach..."
Cockleshell bay feels like the sort of puppet seaside town where a puppet David Tennant and a puppet Olivia Colman are about to turn up and investigate an horrific murder. A puppet murder.
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Nov 4, 2016
Windy Miller lives in a windmill. Fiery Stationer lives in a fire station. Floristy Shopper lives in a florist shop. Only one of those is true. We watched Camberwick Green.
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Nov 11, 2016
Imagine Dylan Moran was a stop motion puppet living on a canal boat and dressing like David Essex. That's Joshua Jones.
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Nov 18, 2016
What would you do if you could stop time? Probably not just deliver leaflets or help old men be good at darts. Bernard is an idiot. A wasteful do-gooding idiot.
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Nov 25, 2016
"Mop and Smiff, they are two of a kind..."
Two dogs? Nope. Two cats? Nope. Oh. Not really then.
Hey kids, let's learn about bin men with cartoons and songs. And a big lie that has haunted Martyn since he was about 5...
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Dec 2, 2016
"It's the Playbus! Where does it go? Where does it stop? Watch for the sign of the lollipop!"
Mark and Martyn catch the Playbus, and the route this episode leads to the Playtent stop. And the playtent stop can also lead to dubious movie careers...
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Dec 9, 2016
A much anticipated show is finally picked from the floor, as Mark and Martyn watch the first episode of Mr Benn. Pro tip - if a mysterious man in a fez asks you to try on some clothes, and you end up somewhere strange and unfamiliar, maybe don't go back again.
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Episode 91 - Stoppit and Tidyup
Dec 16, 2016
Lovely Terry Wogan's soothing voice introduces us to the surprisingly good Stoppit and Tidyup.
There's also a chance for you, our beloved Wheelers, to interact with us this week - you know we're good for it, we basically have nothing else going on in our lives.
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Jan 9, 2017
While Mark and Martyn were recording their Christmas special live stream playing old video games together, Martyn said they'd do a GamesMaster episode next. So that's what they had to do.
In fairness, it was fun to watch. But next time maybe have those discussions when you're not recording Martyn. You idiot.
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Episode 93 - Simon and the Witch
Jan 16, 2017
"Toad in the hole and dog in a blanket..."
The innocent adventures of a small boy and a mad old woman. How often were similar formats used in the 80s? Not any more though. Grown ups in the 80s were clearly much more trustworthy around young people...
#sarcasm #yewtree
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Jan 23, 2017
*TROMBONE SLIDE*
Every child of the 80s will understand the bleak depressing Northern horror of Jonny Briggs. Here's a tip - watch Threads instead. It's probably got a happier ending.
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Jan 30, 2017
"Just say NO!"
Yes, it's the peak of the hard-hitting Zammo drug storyline, and seemingly one of the only episodes of Grange Hill not to feature the titular school setting at all. At least we get to see a lot of Ro-land's job at the arcade though.
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Feb 6, 2017
Harrowing examples of children being killed in farming accidents and acts of unsupervised stupidity abound, as Mark and Martyn watch the public information film "Apaches." Don't play on farms. You will die.
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Feb 13, 2017
We love a good quiz. We also used to love Telly Addicts. Good joke. Everybody laugh.
Anyway, we combine our usual talking over TV shows thing with trying to answer questions about TV shows, in a hideous mess of a podcast that probably shouldn't have slipped through.
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Feb 20, 2017
The thrilling adventures of a burger restaurant named after a type of shoes. It's Emu's Pink Windmill Show's breakout star's finest hour, as we watch Joe Greco rehearse for his next job.
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Feb 27, 2017
"It's a Bullseye!"
No, it's not narrated by Super Mario, it's just Tony Green being too enthusiastic about thirty minutes of darts and trivia. It's like spending a night down the pub with your most boring friends.
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Mar 13, 2017
It's all been building to this - the episode where Mark's countdown to play the episode will also be the title of the show we're watching.
Also we've now done a hundred episodes, and we're marking the occasion with a rubbish gameshow for some reason. why did so many old gameshows have weird animated mascots? And who do you think would win in a fight between Bully from Bullseye, Dusty Bin from 3-2-1 or Mr Chips from Catchphrase?
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Episode 101 - Dungeons & Dragons REVISITED
Mar 20, 2017
"Ranger... Barbarian... Magician... Thief... Cavalier... and Acrobat!"
Mark and Martyn revisit the first episode of W4B by rewatching the first episode of Dungeons and Dragons again. Reliving all the fun and adventure of a group of abandoned teenagers hampered in their quest to get home by a small mewling unicorn. For a second time. It's just as good as it sounded before.
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Mar 27, 2017
What is Michael Barrymore famous for? Manhandling old ladies on gameshows, saying "awight" and nothing else. Nothing. Stop trying to think of things. There isn't anything. Especially nothing controversial.
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Apr 3, 2017
What a time of mixed messages the 80s and 90s were. On the one hand we had Charlie the cat warning us about strange men promising puppies, and on the other hand we were presented with programmes like Watt On Earth, where a creepy grown man tries to befriend a young boy and keep their relationship a secret
and we as the audience were supposed to think that was ok.
Well it's not ok. The line must be drawn here! This far, no further! And I will make them pay for what they have done!
No wait, that's the Borg. Still, Watt On Earth deserves to be destroyed in a fire.
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Episode 104 - Supermarket Sweep
Apr 10, 2017
"Next time you're at the checkout and you hear the beep,
think of the fun you could be having on Supermarket Sweep!"
To be clear, this show's definition of fun is basically picking up novelty inflatables and solving riddles whilst doing someone else's shopping. Fun.
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Episode 105 - Fat Albert Easter Special
Apr 17, 2017
Happy Easter Wheelers! Let's celebrate getting fat eating Easter chocolate by watching a fat kid and his friends nearly kill an old man. This is the plot of the Fat Albert Easter Special for some reason.
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Apr 24, 2017
"Rosie and Jim, Rosie and Jim,
Chugging along on the old Ragdoll..."
Mark and Martyn settle down to watch the Annabelle/The Conjuring prequel Rosie and Jim, about two sort-of-alive dolls who probably have some kind of murderous intent. Because they always do.
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May 1, 2017
White expressionless hippo people have vaguely creepy adventures in the animated atrocity that is the Moomins. That's all I have to say about that.
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May 8, 2017
Not a Prison Break spin-off, or a lesson in bad sportsmanship in first person shooters. Not even an account of a dubious sexual practice. Just the simple story of a young girl fighting an evil witch who lives in a magical teapot with (or without) the help of a little boy who is (or isn't) the witch's assistant. Or whatever.
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Episode 109 - Bangers and Mash
May 15, 2017
Two primates have some fun "monkeying about" and probably learn a lesson or two along the way. Then they watch Bangers and Mash, a cartoon about naughty chimps.
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Episode 110 - Dooby's Duck Truck
May 22, 2017
This week Mark and Martyn watched Dooby's Duck Truck. I refuse to write a proper blurb for this. Because it's Dooby's Duck Truck. What have we become...?
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May 29, 2017
A drama series about a newspaper run by teenagers? Sounds boring right? Right. That is absolutely correct.
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Jun 12, 2017
Centurion
/sɛnˈtjʊərɪən/
noun
1) The commander of a century in the ancient Roman army.
2) A man covered in pegs onto which aeroplane, boat or motorbike parts can be affixed in order to fight the forces of evil.
Jun 19, 2017
To me. To you. To me then. To you then. To me. To you. Copy. Paste. Done.
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Jun 26, 2017
The sad news of Brian Cant couldn't be ignored, and we'd already done Trumpton, so we watched Bric A Brac and celebrated some of his brilliance. But just because the man was great doesn't mean we'll go easy on the show... or that we'll even necessarily pay attention.
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Episode 115 - The Krankies Club at Christmas
Jul 3, 2017
What's the best time to watch the Krankies' Christmas special?
a) Christmas Eve
b) Christmas Day
c) July
The correct answer is that you should never watch the Krankies do anything at any time ever.
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Jul 10, 2017
"Visionaries, Knights of the magical light!"
Remember when toys were covered in holograms? That was good wasn't it? I bet all those hologram stickers have faded now and don't look half as cool any more. That's like a metaphor. A clever metaphor. I done a metaphor.
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Jul 17, 2017
Why the BLANK did we watch this load of old BLANK? We didn't even get a chequebook and pen!
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Episode 118 - Rude Dog and the Dweebs
Jul 24, 2017
All aspiring cartoonists should watch Rude Dog and the Dweebs, as inspirational evidence that you don't need artistic talent to get a cartoon made. A clothing logo and some of the worst designed cartoon dogs ever had their own TV show. And we watched it.
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Jul 31, 2017
You know what I used to love? Batfink.
You know what turned out to be super racist? Batfink.
Because of course it did.
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Aug 7, 2017
"Brum Brum, Brum Brum Brum, Brum Brum Brum Brum Brum..."
It's Brum.
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Episode 121 - Melvin and Maureen's Music-a-Grams
Aug 14, 2017
What do you get when you cross an educational kids' show about music with inappropriate sexist YouTube comments? A musical ex-tra-va-ganza, that's what.
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Episode 122 - Jamie and the Magic Torch
Aug 21, 2017
Who likes Yellow Submarine? Anyone? Oh. Well this is a bit like that. With an arguably better theme song.
That's right. I went there.
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Aug 28, 2017
So there's this cat, see, and his name's James, see, and there are all these other animals, see, and that's all there is to it, see.
And it's quite short, see.
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Sep 4, 2017
"Bitsa this, Bitsa that, put it all together and what have you got?"
A ropey make-along-at-home programme where boxes of old rubbish are turned into soon-to-be new rubbish that looks slightly different.
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Sep 11, 2017
"Five.... Four.... Three... Two.... One.... Thunderbirds are go!"
Lady Penelope: "Parker? Please take off my blouse..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "Parker, please take off my skirt..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "Parker, please take off my stockings..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "Parker, please take off my brassiere..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "Parker, please take off my knickers..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "And Parker..."
Parker: "Yus M'Lady."
Lady Penelope: "...if I catch you wearing my clothes again you're sacked."
Good joke. Everybody laugh.
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Sep 18, 2017
The adventures of C.H.I.P. (Coordinated Hexadecimal Information Processor), S.A.M.A.N.T.H.A. (Solar Activated Micro Automated Non-inTerference Hearing Apparatus) and B.U.G. (Binary Unmanned Gamma camera).
What a load of C.R.A.P. (Completely Rubbish Awful Programme)
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Episode 127 - Wheel Of Fortune
Sep 25, 2017
"Can I buy a vowel?"
"No, because the idea of the game is to guess the words with only the consonants. You fool."
It's Wheel Of Fortune.
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Oct 2, 2017
"This is an Art Attack... THIS is an Art Attack... THIS IS ART ATTACK!"
Tiny Neil Buchanan lives in a box of art supplies and communicates to the big people via the medium of Art. And attacking.
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Oct 9, 2017
How much confetti do you think Finders Keepers used in an average day? More than FunHouse? More than ten weddings?
It's a lot of confetti is what I'm saying.
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Oct 16, 2017
Do you like television? Do you like comics? Then you'll hate ZZZap, the television comic.
It's the final part of our Neil Buchanan trilogy. Or "Neil-ogy." No, sorry, was right the first time, it's "trilogy."
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Oct 23, 2017
It's nearly Halloween, so what better way to celebrate than with a rubbish sitcom about the ghost of a Jewish stereotype? Probably by watching almost literally anything else. But it's done now, so shut up.
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Oct 30, 2017
Can we pretend that we knew this episode was going to be uploaded the week of Halloween, and use the tenuous link that we're watching Creepy Crawlies, a gentle animation about some friendly insects, in an
attempt to be topical?
No? Bloody sod you then.
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Nov 6, 2017
Imagine spending an hour running away from a man in a helicopter. Sounds exciting doesn't it?
Well it isn't. It bloody isn't.
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Nov 13, 2017
Put on your bicycle clips and bake a pie made out of songs or dreams or other intangible things. It's Pie In The Sky! No, not that one. The other one.
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Nov 20, 2017
David Hamilton plays hangman with a giant keyboard. But no actual hanging man. It was a family show.
It's like Mel Giedroyc's "Letterbox" but a lot more expensive-looking. I mean a TV show called "Letterbox." Not Mel Giedroyc's actual letterbox at her house. I bet that's quite a reasonably-priced looking letterbox.
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Nov 27, 2017
A boring educational cartoon disguised as superhero fun. It's only Captain Planet innit? No Don Cheadle though. Wahh.
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Dec 4, 2017
"I'm a Tot!"
"Je suis un Tot!"
"Tilly, Tom and Tiny."
"We're the Tots from Tots TV..."
"One, Two, Three..."
"BOO!"
Flat-faced Rose & Jim-type puppets make worrying noises as Martyn and Mark squeeze another episode into a late night recording session when they should have know better.
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Dec 11, 2017
Our survey said...do more gameshows! So we did. Although we only surveyed two people. And those people were us.
It's Family Fortunes!
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Dec 18, 2017
"Say what you see!"
"Two nearly middle-aged men using a podcast as an excuse to watch old tv shows to relive their youth?"
"Well now I feel sad."
It's Catchphrase.
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Episode 140 - Russ Abbot Christmas Special 1987
Dec 25, 2017
"Songs of joy and tears of laughter, are all we need, to lift our hearts..."
If your Christmas Day is boring enough that you're downloading a podcast, it'll take more than Russ Abbot in various fat suits to lift your heart. Still, we'll do our best. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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Episode 141 - Doctor Who (Survival)
Jan 1, 2018
Remember when Doctor Who was cancelled in the 80s? This is why.
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Jan 8, 2018
A race of one-dimensional creatures whose names reflect the complete gamut of human emotions - Happy, Grumpy, Greedy...Tickle.
It's the Mr Men.
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Jan 15, 2018
"Wizadora, We adore her, doing things in her very special way..."
Remember Wizadora? We thought we did too. We were wrong.
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Episode 144 - The Perils of Penelope Pitstop
Jan 22, 2018
"Hay-lp, Hay-lp!"
Wacky Racer Penelope Pitstop evades the Hooded Claw in this cartoon for children about attempted murder. Mark faces his childhood fears and we get to re-use jokes we wrote years ago. Good times all round.
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Episode 145 - Chorlton and the Wheelies
Jan 29, 2018
The Green Goblin from the Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie terrorises some cyborgs and a dog/dragon hybrid, in the third installment of our Mark-ology of Fear.
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Episode 146 - The Amazing Adventures of Morph
Feb 5, 2018
Tony Hart apparently had the power to bring plasticene to life. And did he use this power for the betterment of mankind? No. No he didn't.
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Feb 12, 2018
Forget the Flumps - is the Great Kettle Race availale on Youtube yet? and if not, why not?
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Feb 19, 2018
"The most important... the most beautiful... the most magical... saggy old cloth cat in the whole wide world."
It's hard to make fun of Bagpuss, given its status as one of the nation's most fondly-remembered kids' tv shows. Although this episode has some saucy drawings in it so we managed.
Please note - there were some technical issues with the recording, so you may notice more editing than usual. It's free, what more do you want?
Feb 26, 2018
Back in the eighties, all teenagers looked like they were about 45. That's why kids' sitcom Metal Mickey looks like it's about a group of middle-aged layabouts having nervous breakdowns.